He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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