her vagine was all disorganized.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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