margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize