I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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