Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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