woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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