I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara