if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!