and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt