tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
