i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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