i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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