Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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