worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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