you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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