but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
