he thought i was a dude.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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