Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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