How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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