by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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