Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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