mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
