Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I CAN MOONWALK!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
