I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
