She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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