Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
