If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
