He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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