is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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