We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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