I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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