You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
