She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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