Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
