so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
