he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize