I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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