barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
