Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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