how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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