go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
