I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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