I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
