I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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