Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.