If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.