i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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