remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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