My Higher Power is John Stamos
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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