Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This house was built for laser tag.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
