sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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