'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
