remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
